Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Not worth the risk.....

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...
  
There are times in life that reality is right there in your face.  Today was one of those for me.  A week ago I had a spot come up on my face - over on the side of my jaw near my ear.  Now, I know for most people that wouldn't seem like too big a deal... but for me it is a very big deal.  My Mom was diagnosed with malignant melanoma over 5 years ago, and since then she has been back and forth for checks and rechecks, having more and more places removed, facing the days of waiting for word from Pathology as to whether we could breathe a sigh of relief, or move on to the next step in treatment.  So that immediately raised my chances of developing melanoma at some point in my life.  Problem is that I was born with a mole on my knee, which is very rare -- something I hated so much as a child.  My Granddaddy always called it my "beauty mark" because he knew I hated it, and he was trying to make me feel special that I had to live with it.  It wasn't until I was 16-yrs-old and had it removed for the first time that I found out that it was actually not something I could get rid of - it comes right back.  It has been removed several times, and every few years I have to get it removed and sent to Pathology.  But just having it also raised my chances of developing melanoma.  So - there are two big marks against me right there.  Top that with the fact that I am blonde-headed, light skinned, and have green eyes, had major sunburns before the age of 20 (after all, I was brought up in the day of laying out slathered in baby oil until burned to a crisp) and worst of all - I spent time in a tanning bed... not a great combination where these odds are going.  Today was the day...time to face the Dermatologist and see what he had to say.  And tonight I am feeling a little less than great, with a couple of new little bandaids on -- one on my face (yep) and another one on my neck not to far below the first one.  Lots of things cross through your mind when faced with something like this.... but I feel very good to say that I am much more prepared to deal with whatever the news from these biopsies may be than I would have been a few years ago.  I am sure of what I believe, of who I am, and that I know either way things will be okay.  

For now, my face is hurting.  The numbness has completely worn off, and the area where the spot was removed is right along a very sensitive part of the face and just plainly hurts at this time.   Regrets are all behind me - but what I do think of is how many people take these things way too lightly. I beg of you - if you spend time in the sun, wear a good sunscreen -- do the research to make sure you are using one that is actually rated well.  Keep a hat on your head, and sunglasses over your eyes when outside in the sun.  And go see a Dermatologist regularly for skin checks.  If you see anything new, anything strange, or anything changing on your skin -- then waste no time getting in to be checked.  And do not go to your Primary Care physician -- my husband is an Internal Medicine Doctor, and he will quickly tell anyone that he is not trained sufficiently to make that decision and to go see a Dermatologist.  It is not worth the risk.  

Thanks for letting me get on my soapbox about this tonight.  This is a serious issue - and too many people have waited too long, taken too many risks, and need to learn the risks and find out what they can do to take the best care of themselves possible.  Malignant Melanoma is not the typical skin cancer that people will face -- you will hear so many people say "oh yes, someone I know (or they themselves) had skin cancer, had it taken off and it was fine" -- that is more than likely one of the other skin cancers that are serious, but not deadly.  Melanoma is a deadly cancer - and it can hide in the body and show up somewhere other than skin.  So take it seriously.  And please, please, please stay away from tanning beds.  If you have doubts about the seriousness of the risk, then go speak to a Dermatology Surgeon and get the facts.  It is just not worth the risk.

Thanks for giving me a few minutes... Have a GREAT evening.   Please watch and then share this video link with your friends list, and if you will - on your page.  
www.thatvideosite.com/video/dear_16yearold_me

Monday, June 27, 2011

Trust...it's not a funny thing

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

When I'm starting on a new blog I always re-read what was written the last time.  I couldn't help but to laugh when I realized that here it is another Monday as I write another blog... seems a lot longer than I had planned to go.  Thanks for sticking around!  Blogging is kind of a funny thing.  For me this blog page is kind of a forum to just voice what's in my head - rumbling around and needing to come out.   And you get the luxury of reading it - or choosing not to (which, of course, I hope you do!  We may feel the same way about some things - who knows!)

What is on my mind today is: trust.  Maybe I should write that in all capital letters: TRUST.  It is a very big word... and I think often people forget how big and important that little word really is.  
Now I sure will not try to pretend that I am perfect and haven't ever done anything to break someone's trust -- sadly, I am very human and have done many wrong things in my life.  But I like to think I have also learned a LOT along the way.  I am very conscientious to choose the right words - to be as honest as I can be.  And many of my lessons have come because of consequences I've had to accept.  I've tried to teach my kids as they were growing up (and even now as they have all entered adulthood) that honesty is the only way to go... that anything else will catch up with you sooner or later.  And that is when trust becomes the issue.  

I believe we all want to trust the people in our lives... I know I certainly want to trust that when someone says something that they mean it - that I can count on the people in my life to be honest and true...trustworthy.  But it's just not always that way....as sad and disappointing as that can be.  Sometimes I think it's just selfishness -- someone wanting what they want and not caring what they have to say or do to get it.  There are times I think it could be competitiveness.  While it can be good sometimes to compete, often it can destroy.  When it gets to lying, cheating, jealousy or gossip among other things in competitiveness, then it has become something really bad -- and relationships can be destroyed.  And trust can also be destroyed.  Often I don't think many people realize just how important it is to have trust.... to be trustworthy.  
Trust is a gift.  Often relationships start with trust in place -- kind of at that entry level.  And as the relationship goes along it either increases or decreases according to what goes on.  Someone is honest and true - they prove to be truthworthy and it increases.  But if they are secretive, dishonest (even those lies of omission) they quickly lose truthworthiness and there is a definite decrease - often to a point of losing trust altogether.  What I find some people don't stop and think about is that when you lose someone's trust, there is nothing to say that you will ever get it back.  Trust is not deserved - it is earned.  And just one thing can actually cause you to lose someone's trust forever.  That's a very sad place to be.  

I would implore you to think about your words before you speak them... are they true, are they fair, what is their intention, are they necessary?  If you know something is not true, then just don't say it.  And if you do something to break someone's trust, apologize quickly.  Don't try to save face by becoming arrogant about the incident -- take it like a grown-up and admit your wrong.  It's not about groveling, it's about showing that you know having someone's trust is a very important thing in this life.  It is very sad to see some people get to a place in their lives that they finally realize having people trust them is so important -- but they've done so much to prove their un-trustworthiness that no one can trust them any longer...in some ways, it is just too late.  And they lose someone who means so much to them.  

This thing about trust....it's a big thing.  TRUST is a big word.  Take care of it, cherish it... don't ever ignore it or take it lightly.  It may be a one-chance kind of thing.  

Monday, June 20, 2011

Things I love....

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Monday morning...seems like every time I turn around, it's once again Monday morning.  Truthfully, there are things I many things I love about Monday mornings!  I'm kind of a dreamer... have always loved time alone, because I can think, dream, read, think of what I want to write down in the quiet time...it gives me time to play the piano or to pray for as long as I want.  For the most part it is usually very quiet in the house when I am alone... I rarely turn on the TV or even music.  My thoughts keep me occupied while I make myself busy around the house.  But this made me think of other things I have always loved... things that make me feel warm and fuzzy (and safe!) inside.  And I'm sure along the way I'll come back and add to this list.... But for now - here is my list....

Things I love....
~daisies....
~purple....
~babies....
~my children....
~taking pictures....
~Jesus....
~the thought of being a Grandmama one day....
~cool nights and crisp mornings... just enough to make you shiver....
~gospel music (the old kind!! I'm thinking "The Old Rugged Cross" and "Amazing Grace")
~children laughing while playing outside...
~tents made with blankets and clothespins....
~hide and seek....
~lightning bugs....
~bonfires....
~hayrides....
~lemonade....
~hot chocolate (the real kind!!  No powder mixes involved!)...
~first kisses (the REAL first - when you're young and you've dreamed for so long about what it would really be like!)....
~finding a photograph of someone you haven't seen in so long....
~best friends forever (before it was shortened to bff)....
~promises kept....
~the sound of the ocean (I've NEVER been able to listen to my ipod on the beach - I only want to hear the waves!)....
~drives through the mountains....
~the smell of suntan lotion...especially that coconut smell....
~quiet... I don't understand the need to always have a tv or music playing....
~a clean smelling house.... love the smell of pinesol....
~sheets dried outside on a clothesline....
~music by Jimmy Buffet....
~iced tea with lime....
~diet dr pepper....
~St Thomas....
~new flower blooms just peeking open....
~memories....
~banana sandwiches....
~Dukes mayonnaise....
~pottery....
~antiques....
~first loves....
~the overwhelming feeling of love the first time you hold your newborn baby...
~love letters (the kind written by hand)....
~penguins....
~starry nights....
~good dreams (the kind that when you wake up, you try to go back to sleep so it will resume!)....
~listening to children giggling....
~real handmade quilts....
~knitting....
~sitting in the rocking chair on my screened porch....
~jam....
~honey on chicken....
~vine ripened tomatoes in the summer....

I'd LOVE to hear from you... to find out some of your favorite things as well!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Granddaddy's babygirl....

This weekend we celebrate Father's Day.  Growing up it was that day that we either got my Dad a new shirt or a necktie... and it seemed like often it would also be the week we were on vacation at the beach.  But even though it's Father's Day, it's actually not my own Dad that I want to talk about.  Rather, it's my Granddaddy.

I was fortunate enough to grow up having both complete sets of my grandparents until just a few years ago.  While I loved them both, my maternal Grandparents were the light of my life -- and I knew I was the light of theirs.  I was the first grandchild for them - and for some reason, I thought I was given rule of the kingdom when I was born.  It never occurred to me that anyone could ever knock me from my place with my Grandparents.  Growing up, I spent every possible bit of time with them - often spending most of my Summer at their house in South Carolina.  I can remember so many stories of my time with them, most of them bring such a smile to my face.  But something particular that makes me smile while writing this is remembering my Granddaddy - and how I was Granddaddy's girl.  He always had a special name for me - either Granddaddy's babygirl, peachie, or something... and even until the last few years there were times I would call him on the phone just to hear him say "Is that peachie?" or "Is that the babygirl?"  No matter what might be bothering me, those words and his voice were enough to melt any problems away.  My Granddaddy is a World War II veteran - in fact, he was away in the Army when my Mom was born.  She was several months old when he came back and met her for the first time.  And when she grew up and married my Dad and then was expecting me, my Granddaddy was still a very young man -- actually quite a bit younger than I am as I write this now!  Initially I don't think he was too keen on the idea of being a Grandfather -- but the moment he saw me, I think that all went right out of his mind.  It was love.  I have so many memories from when I was growing up with my Granddaddy of the special things we did together...he taught me how to fish, how to tell time and make change, and how to row a boat.  He had retired from the military by the time I was little and ran a 76 gas station right outside the post in Columbia, and often he would take me to work with him.  He would let me pump gas, wash car windows and then would have me make change.  He said those things were important for me to know.  I could always convince him to let me skip my regular naptime when I was 5-yrs-old or so, and just let me lay on a blanket near the pool, and he would sit right beside me to make sure I was safe.  Of course, I would always go right to sleep.  I LOVED slurpees, and he knew that all too well, so he would promise me one every day. I can remember one day in the hot summer in South Carolina, and he had promised me if I was patient while he was running his gas station that morning, that when we left he would get me a slurpee on the way home.  That was all I needed to hear!  So when it was time to go, I didn't even need to remind him of his promise... he went straight to looking for a slurpee.  Well, it was a very hot day, and for some reason place after place had no slurpees, only a broken slurpee machine.  Thinking back it seemed like we went to a dozen places.  I remember him waking me up as I had fallen asleep in the truck - and he had finally found a place that had a working slurpee machine.  He was so excited that he didn't have to let me down!  He would never have let me be disappointed.  One of the things my Granddaddy loved was for me to sing him the Granddaddy song.  I'm pretty sure he had made this song up, and he taught it to me as a little girl.  I would sing at the top of my lungs "Granddaddy, Granddaddy, how I love my Granddaddy..." on and on.  As I grew up and older, Granddaddy and I were always close.  It was different than my relationship with my Grandmother, with him it was as if I never really had to grow up.  It was a relationship of just being adored - and adoring him back. 

(my Grandparents with my kids - this is probably 15 years ago)

In January of 2002 my Grandparents were in a car wreck on hwy 601 right outside of Concord, NC.  My Grandmother was driving - and I believe with all of my heart that she knew there was no way she was going to make it through the wreck she saw coming at them.  A young man (21-yrs-old) had fallen asleep in the company truck he was driving, crossed the line and came right at them.  She got as far off the road as she could, but there was nowhere else for her to go.  She died on impact.  In some ways, my life has never been the same.  (But this blog is about my Granddaddy, so I'll leave that part of the story to another day.)  In every way, my Granddaddy has never been the same.  He and my Grandmama were married for over 55 years (getting closer to 60, I believe) and they were married while they were really still kids themselves.  They had raised 3 kids, gone through 5 pregnancies (she lost 2 of them at birth), had gone through separation from his time serving in the war, sicknesses, losses, happy and sad times.  But they were always there together.  And watching him the last few years with her gone has been the most painful thing.  He often doesn't even resemble my Granddaddy any more - and I don't feel like "Granddaddy's babygirl" any longer.  The happiness went out of him when she died.  It makes me so sad. 

So this Father's Day, my wish is that God will remind my Granddaddy that he is important to many people who are still on this earth -- and that he has made a huge difference in many people's lives through his life --- especially one girl who loves to hear "Is that you peachie?"  We never quite know what other people go through in their lives.  We can't understand how loss or hurt affects others - only how we are affected.  But if you have ever experienced anything like this, try to remember the good times.  And when the times are a little rougher, hold onto those memories the tightest.  


(This is a picture of my Granddaddy - this is a couple of years after my Grandmother died.) 

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I love shoes and purses...

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Hmmmm....I'm in kind of a funky mood.  I've had a cold this week, and right now it's getting the best of me.  But I jumped out of bed this morning because I could hear a bird singing outside my window and ran out with my camera... so I thought I'd share few more things about myself...




~My favorite flower has always been the Daisy...



~I'm left-handed - although I had to learn to do many things right-handed, so I'm able to do many things with either.

~I LOVE shoes and purses!!  Designer purses with usually high price tags, unfortunately.  (And that extends to camera bags, of which I have way to many!  But each one means something special to me.)  At the same time, as much as I love shoes and purses, I have no trouble passing them on to my friends when it's time to make a little room in my closet... so they usually don't complain.

~I have green eyes.

~I really cannot stand to be called Donna (even though it was what I was called in school, that was the only place I wasn't called DonnaKay)... I'm amazed how often I'll say "no, it's DonnaKay" and someone will return "oh, it's nice to meet you Donna" !!  Really?!

~I love colors...almost all of them!  I like bright and vibrant, and soft and smooth.  My home is full of colors, as is my wardrobe.  But ultimately, if I have to pick my favorite color, it is Purple.

~I'm shy...actually probably way beyond shy.  I literally have panic attacks when I'm going to have to be around new people, and even worse - a group of people!  I've even been told by people that they thought I was snobby when they first me me - but then found as they got to know me that I was just quiet.  Once I get comfortable, I'm fine - but I will usually try to find a way out of having to be in a group.  Isn't it funny that I would become a photographer - there are new people all the time.  But somehow behind my lens, I don't have the same struggle.  It's my safety net!

~Summer is depressing for me.  I pass out from the heat, so in the heat of the summer I am much more homebound during the daytime.

~All I ever wanted growing up was to be a Mother.  And if you know me, then you know I naturally want to mother whoever is around me.  If it bothers you, then I am so sorry!  Please don't take it the wrong way!




~I cannot wait to have Grandchildren!  It scares me that they will live far away, or that there will be some reason I won't get to be a very active part of their lives.  Right now I enjoy being Mimi to a sweet little girl named Bailey - and I find myself thinking of her as a grandchild often.



~I'm loyal...I love with all my heart, give all I can give, and don't walk away from a relationship until LONG after I probably should have!  If I love someone, I have found that I never really stop loving them - no matter how much time passes. 

~I LOVE photography and writing.  To me, they almost go hand-in-hand.  Whenever I take a picture, there is also a story in my head - even if it is just a story of what was going on during the photo shoot.

~I fall in love with every baby that I take pictures of...and each one is my favorite!  When I look back at them all, I don't think I could pick one favorite from the bunch!  Right now I'm waiting for a few babies to be born to do their photos, and I feel like the excited aunt or something!

So...there's a little more about me...  I would LOVE to know more about you!  If you are reading this blog, and you feel you'd like to share, please do!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A young man died....

A young man died.  It is what has been resounding in my head over and over again for the past few hours.  A young man died.  He wasn't a young man that I knew very well - actually had only met him when he was helping to move my daughter out of her apartment at college a few weeks ago.  He and his roommate lived in the same apartment complex and attended the same college, and he and my daughter knew each other and were good friends - she seemed to think of him like a brother.  He was a very pleasant young man, very polite and well-mannered, kind and helpful.  Very clean-cut, very all-American, the type of young man most Moms would want their daughters to settle down with one day.  And now he's gone.  Just like that.  He had surgery, and afterwards there were complications.  And then he was gone.

My daughter called me from work, and she was in pieces.  I could barely understand the words she was speaking, and when she said them again "Collin died." I was not sure I had heard her correctly.  Surgery...complications...blood clot...died...gone.  And in that moment my heart felt like it was breaking.  I wanted to just feel sad for the hurt my daughter was feeling... for the confusion and hurt she and her friends would feel at their classmate and friend dying at such a young age.  But truthfully, my heart broke as I thought of what the parents must be feeling at that moment.  Knowing how the compilation of those words had struck me - and only imagining how they had to have knocked the world off its axis for his parents.  And then I found myself crying and praying for them.  Praying for some peace in the middle of something impossible to understand.  A young man died, and now a family is changed forever. 

As a mother, one of my greatest fears is losing one of my children.  I know how hard it has been just learning to adjust to letting go of them as they grow up and leave home - and cannot imagine the feeling of knowing they would not be coming back home again.  It is at this time that my faith in Christ seems more important than ever in my life -- the reminder that our days are numbered, and we have no idea the number.  I have lived enough life to know that it is short...time passes so quickly.  And there are no do-overs.  We have to think before making choices - consider the consequences, and what effects it may have on our life in the long-run.  But mostly I think we have to live boldly and with passion - not wasting our life or leaving people wondering what their place was in our life.  Very often I remind myself that I want people to know what I believe in just by being around me...that I have to live my faith out loud in my behavior, words spoken and treatment of others.

A young man died.  I didn't know him very well...only for a few hours out of his life.  But he impacted me.  He was kind to me, and mostly he was kind to my daughter.  His life made a difference and will be missed.  I'm thankful for his life, and that he passionately lived every day God gave him on this earth. 

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Friday, June 10, 2011

"The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation." ~Corrie Ten Boom

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Oftentimes in life it's easy to get caught up in the things that really aren't important in an overall kind of way.  To get caught up in feeling discontent with our lives because of wanting something more or better than what we have...to feel somehow that we deserve so much more than life has afforded us.  And too often I believe we all have a tendency to measure our success by such unimportant things.  There is so much pressure to be at the top, to be the best, to beat out everyone else in whatever it is we are competing in that we lose sight that what really is important is all of those people we are coming in contact with along the way.  I love this quote by Corrie Ten Boom: "The measure of life, after all, is not its duration, but it's donation."

One of the many lessons I've learned well is that I cannot speak for nor can I answer for anyone else.  Only for myself.  So I look at the words of Corrie Ten Boom and how they must apply in my life, and I know that if I succeed at something - if I'm the best - if I win the competition...but it was at the expense of beating someone else down, or hurting them, or mistreating them in some way - then I haven't won at all.  I'm a strange kind of person sometimes because I seriously do think from how I will look back at my life when I'm at the end a lot when I'm making decisions or gaining perspective in a situation.  And it is so very important to me that my life have a legacy.  I've never had any interest in that legacy being "most beautiful woman" or "richest woman" or even "most successful photographer."  Rather I want it to be an everlasting, life-altering kind of legacy.  If my tombstone could read something like "She never gave up...she always tried...she did her best...she loved with all of her heart...she gave all she could give..." then I would consider my life the GREATEST of successes.

Have a GREAT day!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

The right thing to do can sometimes be the hardest....

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

There are times in life that things just seem to move along smoothly... almost to the point that you might even feel a little bored or stir-crazy.  At least, that's what I've heard.  My life, however, seems to be more like an ocean, with constant waves and sometimes a tsunami suddenly knocking my feet out from under me.  This is definitely one of those weeks.  Overall my life has always been interesting -- at times almost unbelievable.  Whenever I have a really close friend with whom I share details from a period of my life, I know in their mind they think I've got to be exaggerating -- and I only can wish it was an exaggeration.  Oftentimes I've thought about writing it all down, and I could publish it all in a series of novels (would be way too much for one book!)  And of course, I would write it under fiction and change all the names of the people in my story.  Yet no doubt anyone who knows me would know that it should really be in the Biography section at the bookstore.

When it comes to dealing with the tough times in life, people are often very different in their views on how to deal with things.  Some people believe we should keep everything hidden away and silent - not ever letting anyone know the details of our private lives.  That we should protect those who are involved at all costs.  And there are times that I can understand that.  But I am more of the mindset that I believe you can only sweep so much under the proverbial carpet before it explodes inside of you - and causes much more problem than if you had just dealt with it in the first place.  I wonder how many people have suffered in silence, when maybe if they had reached out and been open about what they were experiencing, someone could have known how to help them - or at least to pray for them.  There may be some humiliation, and sometimes that is brought on ourselves - but there are also times that we face humiliation just for the circumstances of someone elses bad choices, and it's a great lesson to learn that everyone is in that place at some point.  It is through the times of humiliation that have been brought on me by something someone else did to hurt and humiliate me that I have learned the most about compassion - and how to be a more compassionate person to others. 

No one is proud when they've done something wrong - whether it was just careless, plain out stupid, or even life-changing and devastating.  But whatever it is, if they don't do something to change whatever it is that brought them to make such a bad decision, they are more than likely going to repeat it at some time.  There are times that we have to stop and look in ourselves, recognize the problem and see that something has to be removed or changed in a major way.  And then we have to do the work to get this accomplished.  It's like pruning.  And pruning is not fun - it is often very painful.  Cutting away something bad, dead, dangerous for the road we want to travel in life -- but the outcome is almost always something beautiful.

Everyone will be faced with decisions that have a right choice and a wrong choice.  But then there are those decisions that have the only right choice - and the worst choice you could possibly make.  And this is one of those weeks that I've watched two people I love so dearly deal with now facing the consequences of making the worst choice they could possibly make in different issues.  And for me, the hardest thing to do is step back and know that all I can do is love them through this time - but they have to deal with their own consequences.  It is most often the only way we learn.

Doing the right thing is very often not the most fun of the choices we are faced with in life.  Sometimes it can be the most boring.  The "right" thing can also sometimes keep us from being the most popular, or keep us from getting ahead with something we really would like to just go ahead and jump to the front in (career, friendships, popularity, social standing, finances, and SOOO many other ways.)  And there are even those times when doing the right thing can be rather humiliating, and you have to deal with wondering what people are thinking about you.  But honestly, it just doesn't matter!  We each have to live with our choices - and it shouldn't matter what any one else thinks about us if we are making the right choices.  Do we think "what will people think of me" when we're making the bad choices?

My oldest son called me yesterday and reminded me of something very important.  He said "Mama, the bad choice has already been made.  It can't be changed.  No one can go back and change what's already been done, no matter how much they might want to... believe me, Mama, I have learned that!  But now it's time to see what can be done to fix the damage... and the best way to go on from here.  And learn from the mistake and never make it again."  Now how did that boy get so wise?

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

It's all about what we do with the choices...

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Don't you just hate it when someone uses "but" in a sentence all the time?  It really drives me crazy!  Such as "I'd love to, but...." or "I understand what you're saying, but..."  And maybe it drives me even crazier when it's an instance of being in a spot of having been caught doing something wrong and coming up with an excuse rather than taking personal responsibility.  That's when "but" makes me want to scream!  By no means have I lived the perfect life.  In fact, looking back it would appear that most often I've made the choices that would take me on the toughest road possible.  There have been times that I didn't have all the facts I should have before making a decision - yet the truth is that often that was my own fault for not spending the time finding out more before jumping into something.  Whether it was a relationship or a job or even just a purchase -- "buyer's remorse" has too often been the result.  But that is part of growing up and maturing - as long as we can look back and see signs of learning and maturing along the way. 

Like any parent, I've always wanted my kids to grow up and have a better life than I had.  I want them to make better decisions and have better outcomes.  Mostly, I want them to make choices that keep them clear of the painful roads I have so often taken.  But, like other parents, I have also learned that we can only teach and guide our kids... we can't live their lives, and they are going to make the decisions that THEY decide to make.  And they will try to find someone to blame those bad decisions on - because who really likes taking personal responsibility? 

Although I have definitely not lived my life perfectly, I have learned from the many bad choices and mistakes along the way.  I embrace them for what they are. I take personal responsibility for making the choices myself (no matter who or what I could possibly blame for inspiring or influencing me to make the choices) and I have chosen to learn lessons from each bad choice.  Many times God's grace has kept me from the worst consequences, yet most often there are some consequences I would rather not have had to face just the same.  But these serve as reminders that particular paths are ones I don't want to take again in the future.  That the warnings of "do not cross this boundary" are real - and I must remember this when faced with the temptation in the future. 

If I could share the big stuff I've learned along the way, it could probably be summed up pretty easily. 

1. Trust is something very dear.  If you lose it, you run the risk of never getting it back.  Trustworthiness is worth more than any amount of money - guard it with everything - because it is all you are in the end.  And trust includes integrity and honesty - there really can't be one without the others.  Remember: there can be forgiveness for some mistakes, but you can never undo what is done. 

2.  You can't get time back.  If you waste it, it's gone.  So if you are in the phase in life having small children, just know sometimes it's tougher than words can explain -- but on the other extreme it can also be so wonderful it's more powerful than anything in the world.  And it's worth everything you put into it.  You can't make your kids perfect no matter what you put into them - but you can do a lot of harm if you don't give them all of "you" that you can possibly give them.  There is no place for selfishness and self-centeredness in parenthood.  It just won't work.  So if you need everything to be about you, just don't have kids.  It's the most fair thing you can do!

3.  Be who you are.  If you have to pretend to be someone else for people to like you, then something needs to be adjusted.  Either you need to change into who you are pretending to be - or you need to find other people to like you for who you are.  And that's by no means saying "you have a right to be who or whatever you want to be" -- like it or not, there are just some things that are wrong (politically correct or not - although "pc" would never be used to define me anyway!) 

There is no doubt that I will make many more wrong or bad choices in my future.  But I hope I have learned to have the integrity to admit when I'm wrong - honesty so I can help someone else possibly learn from my mistakes - humility so I never think I'm above making mistakes. 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Content with where I am....

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...



It's a beautiful morning.  The thermometer on the screened porch still shows the temperature to be 68 degrees.  I'm snuggled in my rocking chair with a caramel macchiato.  The lake in the back yard is calm, so you can see every little ripple move across.  The birds are singing in what sounds like a huge chorus, and they fly back and forth from tree to tree - occasionally make a stop by the bird feeder for some of the seed that has been put out just for them.   This is one of my happiest places of my day.  The time when I can think about what I need to get accomplished through my day, where I can get lost in my thoughts (and sometimes my dreams), and definitely a place where I am relaxed with not a care in the world.  Well...maybe the last part of that sentence isn't completely the way it is all the time from this rocking chair, but I do have to say things can often look better from here.

For years I have wanted to move from this house.  There are many reasons behind that desire, from simply wanting to be closer to Charlotte, where I spend most of my time...to wanting to sometimes escape some of the sad memories that may linger in this house.  But then I come out here on one of these perfect mornings, I sit in my rocking chair and listen to these birds singing.  I see the peaceful ripple across the lake and I feel blessed.  It is then that I let myself reflect on the good things in this house.  The woman I was when I moved into this house almost 11 years ago who has grown into an even stronger, more confident, compassionate and wiser woman.  Where the bad memories may have left scars on my heart, when looked upon they also show a growth spurt in my character.  And it's these times that I realize I don't want to run from the bad memories any more than I want to live in the midst of them... but I do want to cherish them and be thankful for what they have provided me.  Psalm 136:1 says "give thanks to the Lord for HE is good and HIS faithfulness endures forever," and that surely is what I see when I look back...God's faithfulness.  I've never sat in this rocking chair that I have had to feel alone.  And I have no good or bad memories in which God wasn't right there with me...seeing me through.



This morning as I sit here, with my latte dwindling, the birds singing louder than ever, and off in the distance I hear someone mowing their grass, I think "Why in the world would I ever want to leave this house?"  I have grown so much here - there are so many memories of that throughout!  Every house has things that you would want to change, and this one is no different... but so much of this house reflects of me already.  And now the drive to Charlotte just doesn't seem so long.  Philippians 4:12 says, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  I find myself embracing contentment with where I am in my life...even in this house.  In fact, I feel very thankful.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Twice in one day?

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Very often when I'm writing here, I want so badly to say "tell me more about yourself..." but I do realize that's not exactly how this works.  Rather, this is almost like my diary... except that it is public!  Hmmmm...  So you will only get to know as much about me as I choose to reveal.  I'm pretty straight-forward -- so you will probably learn a lot more about me than you would ever want to know!  But then it's always your choice whether you come back to read more or not.  In this blog, I thought I'd tell you a little bit more about myself... just some little tidbits...

You know that I'm a Mom with three grown children, but maybe you don't know that I was divorced when my youngest was very young.  It wasn't until she was 6 that I got remarried (the other two were 8 & 9).  My kids are very close in age (21 mos apart, and 17 mos apart) and I have always loved that closeness in their ages.  They've just always been so close to one another.  I'd never choose to do anything differently with any of it!  Even though there were some very tough and trying days, there were more unbelievably awesome times.  They challenged me to be the best mom I could be - and I did my best to teach my kids independence, honestly, integrity and responsibility, among other things.

My favorite flowers are Daisies.  I love almost all flowers - they are so beautiful, and I love the smell of them; how pretty they are with their daintiness.  Yet simple white w/yellow Daisies are the ones that make me stop every time.

My favorite color is purple.  Picking a favorite color is truly difficult, because I love colors so much!  But I would have to say that if I had to narrow it down to just one, it would have to be purple.  Now the ironic thing here is that purple is probably the least color found in my closet!  Go figure!

I'm not conventional.  While I'm old-fashioned in many things: I believe boys should call girls, I believe in chivalry (and also that it's very lost!), I believe in personal responsibility - and I'm definitely not into teaching dependency.  I believe very much in absolute truth and that there is a difference in right and wrong.  But I'm not conventional.  Elaborate?  Well, I don't dress like the crowd, don't have a need to be like everyone else.  Sure, I like to dress along with the style - but I like to wear what makes me feel good and comfortable with myself.  Same with hairstyles - I like my hair the way I like it.  I don't just like something because it's odd or different, but I do tend to move towards things that are not just like what everyone else has.  Also, while I believe many things are black or white (in right and wrong) I also believe there are a lot of gray areas where we are to choose what is best for ourselves.   And many people mix those things up with absolute truth, when they are actually different altogether.

I LOVE to go to the movies by myself.  Oh how I love this!!  Years ago, when my kids were all very young and I was single (divorced, rather), I had been sick and in the hospital for surgery, and had to be out of work for a few weeks.  Well, when I started feeling better and stronger (but was still out on leave from work) I had free time while the kids were in school/daycare.  So I went to see a movie by myself one day.  It seemed like it was going to be the worst thing I'd ever done - I mean, WHO goes to the movie by themselves other than some loser?  But it was awesome!  And ever since then, I have loved to go whenever I get a chance. 

My Grandmother was the closest person to me for most of my life.  I am very close to my mother, and love her dearly.  I have had friends throughout life who are very close to me.  But the on person who I always felt closest to, and most connected with, was my Grandmother.  She was killed in a car accident a few years ago, and nothing could have devastated me more.  And honestly, life has never felt the same since she's not in it.  No question, when I get to heaven, I hope she's the first person I see.

I seem to pick up other accents when I'm around them.  It's really rather embarrassing.  I'm from NC - and definitely a Southerner.  Years ago I was fortunate enough to have some very good friends from Germany - and their accent was, of course, very heavy. The husband would often laugh and say I had the cutest Southern drawl with a German accent.  I'm especially careful when I'm around people who have an accent - trying to make sure that I don't pick it up and start speaking like them.

I've had my heart broken more times than I can count.  When I was a teenager I was engaged to a boy I was with for over 2 years.  I had been in love with him since I was 10-yrs-old.  Just a few weeks before our wedding was to happen (Yes - that close to time everything has pretty much been done, sent, ordered, etc.) he comes up and says he wants to postpone the wedding!  Not cancel or break up - just postpone it for a couple of years.  It broke my heart!  But what really hurt was several weeks down the road when I found out that his parents had bought him a truck to postpone our wedding until we were older.  Now don't think I don't look back at this point and understand exactly where they were coming from - we were really mere kids, and they were looking out for their son.  It was that they didn't have more respect for me - and that he didn't have the respect for me to be honest about all of it.  Wow - I broke up with that boy, and married someone else shortly after (yes, I would guess it did have something to do with rebound) -- I look back and can't help but to laugh that I broke up with him for being dishonest with me!! -- I had so much to learn, huh?!  Anyway... I am now thankful for it all -- because without things working the way they did, I would not have my three wonderful and beautiful children... and I cannot imagine life any differently than it has been with them!!

Ok....I think I've shared plenty for today... and eventually I'm hoping someone decides to share back with me!  I have no idea who is possibly reading this blog... but I'm glad you come back to read more.

Counseling...good or bad?

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Everyone has their opinions, and I'm sure this issue will be no different: Counseling.  Many people believe that going to a counselor is a silly waste of time, while there are others at the opposite extreme who can't make a simple decision or handle any bump in their life without running to their counselor for advice and guidance.  I personally have lots of opinions on this topic.

I do have a counselor... someone I trust with any secret I would ever want to share.  He is someone I started seeing quite a few years ago after a very painful incident in life drove me to see that I needed someone I could spill it all to on occasion... someone to help me find perspective and hopefully figure out the best way to deal with some things.  Through the years there have been times where I've gone in more, and others where I've probably gone even less than those around me would think I really needed.  But over the past year or so there have been some major bumps in my journey, and those things drove me back to the comfy chair with my counselor across from me (not really a comfy chair - but it's at least not horrible... but it's definitely not one of those sofas that you see in movies, which is quite a disappointment!)  I chose to see a Christian counselor, because I believe there is enough bad counsel out there, and I'm able to find that on a daily basis already - so I'd rather someone talk to me who has a firm belief in the same biblical views as I have.  If I have learned anything about counseling, it is that ALL counseling is not necessarily good.  There are more nutcases out there giving counsel to others when they are actually probably certifiably crazy themselves than we could probably ever count! 

Now how could counseling ever be bad?  Sadly, anything can be bad -- even something that is good for you can be bad if used incorrectly.  In my opinion, if it's not counseling to make you ultimately stronger and better, then it should be questioned.  Too many people I've seen in counseling are given excuses to remain in a state of "victimhood" (if that is a word - and if it's not, I've just created it!) rather than to deal with hurt and become stronger from it.  And all hurts have different requirements, but our goal should always be to become better equipped to deal with such issues.  There are some people who are in counseling who seem to have basically signed up for the lifetime plan - with no intentions from their counselor of them ever being self-sufficient.  And there can be nothing healthy in that.  Now certainly there are those people who are sanity-challenged who possibly do need to be signed up for this lifetime plan, but on average, someone seeking counseling just needs help finding their way back to (or maybe just "to" for the first time) a balanced way of life.  Whether that is dealing with something we've been through at the hands of someone else - or dealing with issues in our own self that needs some work. 

Everyone needs someone they can turn to at some point or another - and we all go through difficult times in our lives on some occasion.  It's great to have those close friends we can turn to for advice, encouragement, even scolding (when needed) etc., but sometimes it just doesn't work out that a person like that is in your life.  But also there are times that a trained professional is just the best one to seek out for advice.  Whatever the reason, we just need to keep in mind that they are people too.  They are not perfect, and much of what they say is their "opinion."  Make sure the counsel you receive is actually good counsel - not something that will hurt your life even more in the end. 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Doesn't it take it all to make us who we are?

Also visit my Photography by DonnaKay blogspot @ http://photographybydonnakay.blogspot.com ... a little more about my life as I grow my photography business...

Don't we all say "if only...." at least once in a while?  Some of us more than others, I guess.  I am no different, yet while I've certainly uttered those words, they are not words I seem to say as often now.  Everyone goes through difficult times...and I've certainly had my fair share.  But isn't it through those difficult times that we actually become who we are to be?  Do you ever wonder "what would I be like if I hadn't gone through the tough times?" - maybe that would be a healthier way of thinking of them!  I have no doubt that I am a better person - that I have more heart and more compassion - because of many of the experiences I have had in life.  There is no question that I am stronger, and my character has developed the most through each one of them.  I've never been one to stay stuck in a pity-party -- rather, I have my little cry-fest when life knocks me down, and then I rise to the occasion and find out what I'm really made of -- and I show the rest of the world the character that has developed in me. 

Maybe I share this because I often feel I need to wear a shirt that says "It's not that I don't care, it's that I think you don't care..." I have so much compassion for people who have to suffer, whether it is through loss, sickness, hard-times, whatever it may be... but I have so much more respect for those who go through those things and allow themselves to grow rather than become beat down and use those experiences as an excuse to not make something of their life.  In some way, I see it as choosing to not become a victim in life - but rather a student who learns and grows from life.  And don't think I have some misconception that I'm perfect at any of this -- I may end up having a crying day tomorrow for whatever reason... but I WILL choose to become stronger through it.